Saturday, 17 December 2011

Why am I doing this?

I was asked this last week - relating to the drug trial
Why am I doing this? Grasping at any treatment on offer even if it may be a placebo drug?
In the hope that it will not be the placebo and make things better.
In truth the best outcome will be to buy a bit of time.
Who knows how long this time might be? So why am I doing it?

I look at Alan
So big, so strong, comforting and caring.
Making sure everything is there for me.
So sad, so fragile - who is supporting him?
Need to keep on 'keeping on' - Alan needs me. We will journey on together.

I look at my grandchildren.
So new and perfect.
So much to learn about this funny old world.
So much to discover.
They have been a the main focus for Alan & I over this last year.
Need to keep on 'keepin on' - Ethan and Lilah need their Nana. We will journey on together.

I look at my boys.
Gentlemen now - so strong and manly, husbands and fathers too. Beautiful wives and children.
We gave them wings that they might fly and they have made us so proud.
They need me to keep them grounded and I need to see more of their story,
Need to keep on 'keepin on' - Jon and Tim still need their mum. We will journey on together.

I look at my wider family and friends.
I have been overwhelmed by their love and support
The letters, cards, emails, blog entries, daily jokes, small unexpected gifts, visits, social network messages, forum messgaes etc.
Need to keep on 'keepin on' - My friends need me to be there for them when they need supporting too and I need them to keep me sane!.  We will journey on together.

So that is why. With uncertainty comes hope.

Tess xx

PS Wish I could get that yoga position right - a target -maybe not!


  1. That is a wonderful way to look at things Tess... I admire you so much for being strong for everyone else and I hope with all my heart that the drug works for you... you deserve it.
    You have been there for me this last week in my hour of need tears yet again. Love and hugz and we will keep 'keepin on' and journey on together my lovely friend..


  2. Equally delighted to have you as a companion on my journey, Tess. We will journey together.

    Janet xx

  3. pure poetry :-)

    Linda and Steve xx

  4. Bless you Tess, a wonderful poem from a wonderful person and special friend. We will take the journey together and I do hope the drug works for you.
    My love and hugs for you, Alan and all your family, I will keep 'keepin on' your journey.
    Thanks for being 'just you' and a really special friend to me.

  5. Beautifully said Tess. Although you may not hear from me often I am travelling with you on your journey which I hope will keep on keeping on as you say;and will be a long, and enjoyable, one. Ali xx