Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Decisions, decisions

Having spent the last few weeks trying to decide which course of action to take I have made a decision. I have sought advice from the Consultant in Palliative Care, the Consultant Oncologist at Barts, my oncologist in Canterbury and perhaps the wisest of all, Alan, my mentor and soulmate. It is very difficult to make decisions when you have imperfect information to work with. We are in fairly unknown territory.


Radiotherapy has been ruled out as it is an inappropriate treatment in my case.

I have decided I will not take part in any more drug trials.


I was left with palliative care only vs more chemotherapy. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could have tossed a coin or stuck a pin in a piece of paper but instead I looked  at a special photo I have of the 2 Grandies and it became clear I had to fight on. Ethan and Lilah need to know their Nana gave it her best shot.


I will start chemo again within the next couple of weeks. I will have 2 cycles at a reduced dose and then have a scan. The oncologist could tell after this time (6 weeks) if it is having any effect. Although I had a positive response to this chemo last time there is no guarantee it will work again, the cancer may have built up a resistance to it. Depending on the scan result we may or may not continue the treatment.


To my wonderful family, friends and fellow mesowarriors I thank you for you love and support thus far and I ask you to walk with me once again as I move on in this journey. I am ready to fight once more if somewhat a little scared.

I was listening to the words of this song as we drove to my appointment at the hospital yesterday:

Together we are stronger we can overcome
We can walk this road together we can stand as one
And now nothing can divide us we are stronger together
Together we belong, together we are strong

Blimey! Pass the tissues!
Tess x


  1. Oh Tess you are such a brave lady, what a difficult decision to make. I hope that the next round of chemo is gentle on you but tough on Mr Nasty. You and Alan are in my thoughts every day and I'll keep the prayers and positive vibes winging their way to you
    love and hugs
    Claire xx

  2. Good luck Tess, thinking of you and Alan and keeping our fingers crossed

  3. spoken like a true warrior....holding your hand in the cyber world, every step of the way xxx

  4. Such a brave decision Tess,but you are a very brave and lovely lady. I hope that the next round of chemo works and gives Mr Nasty a bloody nose.
    Walking with you all the way, love to you and Alan (who I have never met but sounds wonderful) and all the positive vebes that I cam muster
    Trish xx