Well the steroids have kicked in and resulted in a long wakeful night. Fell off to sleep fine but then woke up about 2 am and lay there wide awake until after 6 am. Tossed and turned a bit with a few hot flushes for company (could this be a second menopause?). So then my brain was in overdrive and thoughts took over. I share some of these thoughts with you:
- · My two lovely grandchildren and visualising what they were up to. Ethan I hope was fast asleep and dreaming happy baby dreams and Lilah (in Toronto) would have been getting ready for bed but not quite there so play time I guess. Thought about what little bits and bobs I will get for their Christmas stockings.
- · My parents and younger brother – all now sadly deceased. I think of them often these days.
- · My illness and trying to make sense of it all. Visualising all the schools I have worked in over the years and trying to pin point where there was asbestos contamination. I have my ideas about this but cannot prove anything but I do often think of my former colleagues and pupils and wonder if any of them are affected by the deathly asbestos disease.
- · I wonder too if it would have been better ‘not to know’ the prognosis and just be able to get on with life. Most people don’t know when they will die and get on with life without a thought of it – so why can’t I?
- · I think of our shattered retirement hopes and dreams and lives that have been changed.
- · I think of my 2 wonderful sons and what fine men they have become – each doing their own thing and both now being daddies and both aided and abetted by the most lovely wives. I am blest to have them in my life.
I must have dozed off after that because the next thing I heard was Alan whispering those 3 little words in my ear ‘Cup of tea’? How I love that guy!
A bit of a ramble today – put it down to the medication. Hugs. Tess x